Time to Dance
by grumpyjenn
Summary: Nine hates himself. Rose can help. Takes place sometime after Fathers' Day but before Bad Wolf. K  to T for subject matter


Rose stood in the TARDIS, looking up at him. She wanted him. She felt like she always had. But she knew that he was a sad and lonely man, and that it made him even more sad to think of his Companions in that way... because no matter how old he got, he'd always outlive them through the Time Lord regeneration. Well, he'd just have to get over that now, hadn't he? She sighed, cleared her throat, and said the only name she knew him by.

"Doctor."

"Hmm?"

"Doctor, look at me."

A bit startled, he did as she asked. "What's that you need now, Rose?" He frowned at her. She was wearing one of those gowns he kept for jaunts into Earth's past. It was very similar to the one she'd worn when they had met Mr. Dickens in fact. He remembered now, she had looked pretty in it. Beautiful in fact, though he had pointed out that she was beautiful, for a human.

"How do I look? Think I'll pass?"

It was his turn to clear his throat. "You look beautiful."

"For a human?" She smiled at him. Oh, when she smiled...

"No," he said, trying to keep his voice conversational, "for anyone, actually."

Delighted, she spun around, making the skirt of her costume flare and then launched herself at him. He caught her as she fastened her arms round his neck and kissed his cheek. She really was lovely. She pulled back slightly and looked directly at him, her face inches from his. "D'you mind?" she inquired as she moved her mouth to his. Did he _mind_? Of _course _he didn't mind, it was just... he was, well, _him _and she... she was _beautiful_. So warm against him and so... he couldn't think and drew back.

"Rose."

"Please, Doctor. You must know I want... well, to... er... dance with you. I know it makes you sad that I'm nineteen and you're... well... about 900 years older, but I do know what I'm doing and I... I want to do it with you. Dance, I mean."

"Rose. I don't... I... not with Companions, I..."

She interrupted. "Don't isn't cant, Doctor. Do shut up and kiss me."

He groaned. He couldn't help himself. She was so... well... _Rose _that he thought he could maybe... just one kiss couldn't hurt, surely. He angled his head down and captured her lips with his. Oh... so _sweet._ She parted her lips and kissed him back and oh, she was warm and sweet and she moaned his name quietly into his mouth and nearly undid him. He pushed her - less gently than he would have liked - away from him. She didn't understand. She _couldn't_... it just wasn't possible for such a sweetly innocent child to understand the likes of him and the horrible things he'd done during the Time War. He turned his back, breathing hard and trying not to hate himself even more than he already did for adding t_aking advantage of his precious Rose_ to his considerable list of sins. He stood there, trembling in holding himself under tight control so he wouldn't lash out at her for what she'd brought to the surface - all the pain and the guilt and the terrible knowledge of what he had done.

"Doctor," she said quietly, reaching out to touch his arm. She watched him flinch away from her and the sight broke her heart. She _must _remember that his loathing was directed at himself, not at her. "You think if you shout at me and push me away that I'll leave and then you can wallow in your own shame and guilt until you die of it, is that it? Well, Doctor, you're out of luck, because I'm stickin' tight to you. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me then I'll stop pokin' at you, but I _will __**not **_leave you. You need me as much as I need you, maybe more. And I will be _damned _if I'll let you push me away because you're angry at yourself!" He turned, slowly, to watch her as she spoke. She stood there, crying and shouting at him and when she choked up too much to speak he tried to do as she said. He really did.

But he couldn't. When it came down to it, he couldn't look her in the eye and tell her he didn't want her. Couldn't say he didn't need her. He did, to keep him sane. And even as that realization hit him full force, he stumbled toward her, sank to his knees at her feet, and wept, in great shuddering sobs. And she knelt next to him and held him, rocking and crooning nonsense words in his ear until he stopped.

And then they danced.


End file.
